The Letters

Dear Westen,
Guess what? Even after being behind this wall for years, I still remember you. Not sure if you remember me actually, but whatever. This letter I'm making sure will get to you. I found a way to get it across the Wall, don't know how long that will last though.
Russia's... Been keeping a closer eye on me. I tried to run away again not too long ago. Man, I got into so much trouble. He went after me with the dogs. I'm still not fully healed from that. And he tells me he loves me. Stupid ass...
I'm sending a letter to Roddy, Tonio, and Franny too. Though, Franny won't like his. He's part of the reason I tried to off myself. But, that's a different story.
Well, I hear the fat-ass commie coming. Here's hoping you get this!
Awesomely yours,
Gilbert of Prussia

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Mein Westen,
Guess what. By the time you get this, the Wall will only have a few more months to stand. I promise you bruder, you'll see me soon. You won't want to see me, but you will. I can't tell you what I'll look like when it happens, I know Ivan knows about the plan... Gott, I'm going to look like hell. Just make sure there's a beer waiting for me.
I'm really weak right now... It's hard to write, let alone stand or stay awake. Ich liebe dich. See you soon.
Yours,
Gil
----

Gilbert sat in his brother's study, reading the letters he'd never been able to send. Maybe it had been for the best. There had been 10 in all, and most of them were half in Russian and some broken English. The albino had written one last one the day the Berlin Wall fell all those years ago. It had only two words on it, but they held so much meaning behind them: I'm home.
"I'm home..." He repeated softly and held the yellowed papers to his chest. Sometimes, the Prussian wondered if Ludwig held it against him, that he'd never written. Hell, Gilbert hadn't even spoken to him, not like he'd been allowed to. Standing up, he grabbed the old book he'd hallowed out and stuck the letters back in it, hiding the book in a back corner of the book shelf. He didn't need the German walking in and seeing him with those letters, not to mention the frown he was sporting from small flashbacks he'd gotten. But, the albino was safe now, and had been for a while, even if he hadn't realized it in the beginning.
Ludwig walked into the study, staring at the albino in his seat. "Hallo, bruder... Why are you here? I thought you disliked this room," he said, stepping into the doorway. "Not that I mind... Wait, Gilbert, are you alright?" he asked, approaching his brother.
The albino almost jumped out of his skin when his brother spoke to him. "Ja, ja, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." He said, trying to walk past the larger man. Honestly, he hated hiding things from him, but he hated the German worrying about him more than that.
Ludwig grabbed his brother's arm gently, pulling him close. "Bruder, please tell me what's wrong..." he asked, his eyes pleading.
Gilbert sighed softly and rested his head on the other's shoulder. "It's nothing. I think I'm just tired. Maybe coming down with something..." He responded quietly. It was a lie, mostly. The albino was tired, but that was from reading those letter. Why hadn't he just burned them?
Ludwig kissed his brother's head gently before letting him go. "If you're not feeling well, there's soup in the kitchen. Eat some, then go to bed." He smile gently at his brother, stroking his cheek. "I don't like it when you're not feeling well."
He leaned into the hand on his cheek and smiled softly. "Bruder... Thanks. I think I'll just go to bed though. I'm not hungry..." He moved away from his brother, going to his room. After changing quickly, the albino climbed onto the bed and hid under the blankets. As he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep, he had to remind himself that Russia wasn't there and wasn't going to hurt him.
Ludwig sighed, sitting at his desk. "Gilbert... What can I do about you...??" he noticed one of his books was sticking past the others just slightly. The blonde got up from the chair and walked over, taking out the book. "I need this one anyway... I was supposed to lend this to--!!!" he opened the book, horrified by the cut out pages. When he saw the letters, he stopped, picking one out and setting the book down. He opened it slowly and began to read. "Dear Westen..."
Gilbert fell into a deep sleep. But, it wasn't a very restful one. Having read the letters from earlier, his dreams were those that boarded on nightmare. Memories kept coming to him, from the War, to just before the fall of the Berlin Wall. The albino tossed and turned as he tried to escape his dreams, but found no such luck. Thankfully, the knowledge that he was in Ludwig's home helped calm him down enough that he just cried softly in his sleep.
After Ludwig finished the last letter, he shook, crying. All along, he'd been nothing but angry at his brother for never writing to say he was alright. But now, as he read the letters, he realized how wrong he had been. Most of the letters were barely decipherable, but Ludwig could still understand them. He wept silently, his shoulders shaking.
Groaning, the albino woke up, none too happy that he had. Couldn't sleep be awesome and not leave him? But, he got up anyway, going off to find the German to tell him to get some sleep. With the study being the last place he'd seen his sibling, that's where Gilbert looked first. As he peaked in, scarlet eyes went wide and he stepped into the room. "Bruder? Are you-" He stopped, seeing the book and letters on the table. Shaking slightly, he started to back out of the room, scared of what the other may say or do.
‎"G-Gilbert..." he said, looking up, his tears stained with tears. "Why didn't you ever tell me?..." he said pathetically, crying stil. He drew in a shaky breath, exhaling the same way. His eyes were bloodshot, and he couldn't stop trembling.
Stopping, the Prussian looked into bloodshot eyes then looked down, feeling guilty. Maybe it really had been a good idea to never send the letters. Slowly, he stepped forward and went to his brother. "I didn't want to hurt you, or make you cry..." He said softly, taking one of the letters he'd written.
Ludwig choked back a sob, tears still fallingg. "I was so worried... Every day, I waited. For anything, even someone coming to tell me you had died. Not knowing you were alrigh drove me mad... I couldn't sleep, or eat. I was always agitated, I constantly flew into a rage because I thought I had lost you... I tried to kill myself, Gilbert... I had resigned to you being dead, and I wanted to join you..." he held his face, his shoulders shaking violently as he collapsed onto the desk, sobbing.
"B-Bruder... Es tut mir leid..." He said softly and gently rubbed his back, tears filling his eyes. He was such a horrible brother. Having worried Ludwig to no end, and now making him cry... Kneeling down, he kissed the top of his head and blinked back tears.
Ludwig grabbed the other man, crying loudly. He shook in the man's arms, reduced to a weeping child. His brother was fine now, he knew it. But the fact that all along, the man had been trying to speak to him was too much. He couldn't stop crying.
Gilbert held his weeping brother. "Shhh, Ludwig, I'm fine now... Please don't cry. Please..." He said softly. It really hurt to see the man cry as if he were a child again. Stroking the blonde's hair, he hummed and kissed the top of his head again.
But the words meant nothing to him. He could barely breathe thanks to crying, and the tears from years past had no intention of stopping. He clung desperately to the albino, weeping in his arms. He hated being so vulnerable, but he couldn't help it. Gilbert was safe... He'd always been safe...
Sighing softly, he sat on the German's lap and kissed his cheek gently. It was sad that this had happened. To have Ludwig find the letters had never been planned. And now, it seemed years of emotions were coming from the man. "Come now, there's no need for tears..."
"Y-you were alive..." he said, crying happily. He kissed his brother on the lips, holding him close. He couldn't help it. His emotions were too strong to ignore. The man continued to cry, but calmed down slightly.
He smiled, kissing his brother back gently. "Ja, I was alive. There were times I didn't want to be, but I was..." Gilbert felt elated from the slight change in mood.
He sighed in relieve, kissing his brother passionately. He had forgotten his brother's dislike of touching, kissing him over and over again. The rush of emotion had him overly passionate, wanting to keep the man there, to make sure he was real.
As he kept getting kissed, he pushed against his brother, shaking his head. "Bitte, too much, okay?" He said softly and pressed their foreheads together. Too much touching still made him uncomfrotable.
‎"I'm sorry..." he said, kissing him gently on the cheek. He didn't want to make the Prussian upset, but he couldn't help himself. His brother had been fine all along. Not only that, but he'd been trying to get in contact. Ludwig was so happy he could burst.
"Don't be sorry..." He said softly and got off his lap. Holing a hand out, the albino smiled and looked at the letters. "Come on... Let's go lay down or something..." Gilbert would burn them tomorrow... If Ludwig wanted him to.
Ludwig sniffled, wiping his face. "J-ja. " he stood up, taking his brother's hand. He'd ask the Prussian to burn the letters tomorrow... If he remembered.
Gilbert pulled him out of the study and pulled him to Ludwig's room. Flopping onto the bed, he looked at the other and smiled slightly. "Join me... I promise not to freak out on you..." He said softly.
Ludwig climbed onto the bed, laying next to him. "Alright." he said, hugging the man close.
When he was hugged, the albino tensed up before slowly relaxing. It was Ludwig holding him, not Ivan. Cuddling close to him, Gilbert smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry I made you cry..."
Ludwig kissed him back, holding him close. "I'm sorry that I gave up back then..." he whispered, hugging him tight. "I love you, bruder..." he said, a single tear falling down his cheek.
Gilbert wiped the tear away and smiled at him. "I love you too... And, no more being sorry." He responded and tucked his head under the blonde's chin. It would be nice if they could move on from this.
Ludwig sighed contentedly, holding his brother close. Oh, how he longed to do more... But he was alright just holding the man, knowing he was safe was all that mattered.
The Prussian closed his eyes, slowly falling to sleep. It was nice, being so safe. No Russia, no pain... Just love and understanding. He knew Ludwig wanted to do more than the occasional hugs and kisses, but he never pushed it. It just made Gilbert more comfortable when he was with the German that things weren't pushed.
Ludwig kissed his brother's forehead as he fell asleep, resting his chin on the top of his head. He sighed, holding the sleeping albino close. "I love you, Gilbert..." he said quietly, closing his eyes as he drifted off to sleep.
Gilbert slept peacefully through part of the night before his nightmares started. It was hard sometimes to stop them, and this was one of those nights. As the dreams came to him, the albino flinched in his sleep before trying to escape whatever was holding him.
Ludwig stirred, woken by the Prussian's escape attempt. "G-Gilbert?" he asked drowsily, letting go slightly.
He pushed against his brother, falling from the bed. Hitting the floor hard, his eyes opened and he groaned. "How'd I get down here?..." He muttered as he closed his eyes and just laid there.
Ludwig scrambled over to see if he was okay. "A-are you alright?!" he asked, helping the albino back up. That had to have hurt...
‎"Fuck! Ja, I'm fine." He said and sat up, holding his head. "Help me up and back to bed, bitte?" He asked, holding a hand up.
Ludwig nodded, smiling, glad to see he was okay. "Of course." He climbed out of bed and picked him up, helping him back into bed.
Gilbert smiled slightly and curled back up on the bed. "Tut mir leid..." He said softly and closed his eyes to go back to sleep. Hopefully he'd sleep better this time around.
Ludwig smiled, holding the man close. He knew that the nightmares were getting worse lately... he just didn't know why....
This time, the albino stayed asleep, nightmare free. It was almost mid morning before he awoke again. Rolling away from the blonde, he groaned softly and sighed. "Guten morgen..." He hummed softly, wondering if Ludwig was even awake.
Ludwig was still deep asleep, snoring gently. He had finally fallen asleep after he made sure the Prussian wasn't having nightmares.
Smiling at his brother, he got up slowly, leaving the room. Going to the study, he grabbed the letters and nodded his head slowly. Time to burn them. But first, he opened a different book and pulled out his to word letter, leaving it on the desk. After that, he went downstairs and outback, grabbing a lighter as he went.
Ludwig woke up a bit later, stretching. "Mnn.... Gilbert...?" he climbed out of bed, going back into the study. He saw the note, and cried again. "I'm home..." he said, holding it to his heart.
When he was done burning the letters, he went inside and to the kitchen. Now he could move on with his life. No more nightmares he hoped. And, if he was lucky, now Ludwig wouldn't be worried about him.
Ludwig walked down to the kitchen, smiling. "Hallo, liebe." he said, smiling.
‎"M-Morning Bruder..." He said softly and looked at his brother. Grabbing a glass, he poured some juice, feeling like he could do anything.
Ludwig walked up to him, stroking his cheek. "I saw the note..." he said, kissing the man gently on the lips.
Gilbert blushed softly and kissed him back. "It was actually my final letter to you. I had it hidden between the pages of a different book..."
"I know..." he said softly, kissing him again. Ludwig pulled the albino close, stroking his hair. "I love that one the most."